Friend group influence, when we think about buying

Over the past number of months in our musings, we’ve touched a lot on how support and community have an effect on where we buy, and how we live. Today we’re chatting about how our friend group might subconsciously, oh so subtly, influence where we choose to buy our homes. This year, we’ve looked at really cool things like pooling down payments and very overt and intentional ways friends and family can make big moves to live life together.

But right now we’re referencing the more delicate groundwork laid in one’s mind throughout the years by the people you love to spend your time with. The ways they make places seem awesome and appealing really stay with you when you’re making a choice about where to buy your home.

So here’s a big piece that we don’t often claim as part of our process, but it’s in there, ya’ll: peer comparison.

This means watching your besties and thinking, yes, we’re going that direction too. We will also have an in-ground pool to host on weekends when we’re not at her place. If she can pull that off, we can pull that off. It’s not exactly competitive, not trying to one-up anyone. It’s more like, I see her setting the bar for what we’re doing around here.

A strong FOMO can occur when your friend group starts buying houses. Maybe even if we weren’t quite where we wanted to be financially to make that move, we stretch ourselves a little bit to meet the mark. Because our friends have done it, we must rise to the occasion now. We cannot be the one who didn’t buy when everyone else was doing it and living it and involved in it. They’re making the moves, we gotta get there. It’s go time, not because we’re ready, but because we’re scared to be isolated from the shared process of this huge life move our social group is all making. FOMO, baby.

On the less psychological side, there’s simple information sharing. If your friends are telling you the market is super hot in this area, the houses are popping off, perfect prices, perfect scene, that area starts to look very appealing. You may not have come to that conclusion on your own, but because they were buzzing about it, it is in your head.

A largely obvious reason, probably one of the first ones that comes to mind, is community ties. It means everything you’d think it means. People like to choose neighborhoods or geographical areas based on the shared lifestyles of their inner circle. Your BFFs are obsessed with skiing or rock climbing, so you might try to live where you’ve got access to those things — and where others share your passion, and there are stores to buy the gear, etc.

If your community is very religious, you might prioritize spots where there are good places to worship, stores that carry the sorts of food you need, and communities built around celebrating the same holidays. If your friend group all has toddlers, the same kid-friendly options will appeal and become a priority based on your life circumstances. If you are all old goths, you could all be looking at buying in Alameda together, know what I mean?

Although the words “peer pressure” have negative connotations, it benefits us hugely to live, thrive, and grow in communities with our peers. Our social scene and being around people who light us up keep our mental health on track, keep us accountable, help us be present and forward-moving, onward and upward. It’s hugely important to be surrounded by friends.

So when we think about social pressure and peer bias or influence, it’s important to separate the words from the vibes. Pressure and bias are often not where it’s at, but in this context the flavor is more like motivation, direction, inspiration.

It can be very overwhelming and scary to choose where to buy a house. It’s such a big, weighty decision. For a lot of us, one of the biggest decisions we ever make. So having a community of friends making the choices together — a point of reference, perhaps — can be a lovely addition to how it all goes down.

Life should be lived basking in the glow of other humans we adore. It is not always our family. But generally, we do genuinely like our friends. So when it comes to house-buying time, go ahead, get into that peer pressure. You might like where it lands you.